Drunk Ass: Euro Jones Edition

 

Now this is self explanatory. I was twisted just talking a lot of ish to Lance. That bottom shelf Gin was just hell in a bottle. 

Lances description of the clip: “There is no editing on this video. Just raw and uncut of what happens the night before a game.. I guess that’s the European way… A couple of intoxicated individuals here.. And leading the pack is Mr. Eurojones himself”

 

Well for those on the short yellow bus this video was made a long time ago .

Don’t go on the message boards and say that Lance is back in Poland playing football again because I know some one (Chris) will.

This footage is from almost 4 or 5 months ago. 

I REPEAT. LANCE IS STILL IN AMERICA!!!!!!!

Miners vs Crew: The Polish Super Bol

So this was the final game of the year. Thank God! Not to say I wasn’t enjoying football but damn the season took forever. As for the game everything went as could imagine. There were some setbacks as far as the sound system my opening speech but all in all it was a good day.

One thing that I have to say. I am actually happy the Miners won. The reason is their fans deserved it more than any other team in this league flat out. Someone is going to complain that they have better fans but I seriously doubt it. These people came out and supported their team and have been doing it better than anyone else the whole season.  I don’t know what they are doing but every other team needs to find out what is going on out there and follow suit.  I had more fun hanging out with those guys than I did watching the game. Seriously they had other teams in the league singing the Miners song. So shout out to the fans of the Miners for showing everyone what this league should be about.

 

Lost in Translation: A Threesome? Yes Please.

This post will be described through a series of text messages between myself and a young woman that I met a few weeks ago. She speaks little English so this explains how things got “Lost in Translation”. 

 

 

A simple text from me to a friend seeing if they wanted to hang out for a few drinks

Her Response: Now I was completely unsure if this was asking me or an invite or some kind of test to see if I was a pervert. Yeah I see the question mark, but any guy who sees a text like this tell me what you would think and what your response would be.

My Response: You damn right I said yes. Tak means yes in Polish. I had nothing to lose and I really had no idea on how to respond so I just said screw it. First and 10 on the 50 with 15 minutes left in the first quarter. Sounds like a good time for a Hail Mary lol.

Her response after like 20 minutes: Oooops!!! So you weren't asking for a threesome. Hmmm I assume there might have been a misunderstanding on my part. Now she thinks I want her friend. This isn't how imagined it going in my head.

In the end DENIED!!!! Hahahaha. Actually everything ended up being cool. We exchanged a few texts after this pretty much trying to explain that I thought it was an invite and she thought it was pretty funny. She says she was actually testing me….I think. But my failed attempt was due to our conversation being Lost in Translation.

* All names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved in this post. Pfffftttttt!! I am lying, Kate is probably going to break my neck when she sees this hahahahahaha. 

Lost in Translation: Ball and Vagina Soap, Isle Two Sir

Lost in Translation is a brand new segment of Euro Jones. Living in a foreign country communication is very important and this is why you have to be clear about what you say.  Well obviously there are plenty of situations that arise where no one knows what the hell is going on and it leads to some interesting conversation or misunderstanding. So welcome to the first installment of Lost in translation. This one os titled “Ball and Vagina Soap”.

 

 

 

Nope!!! It was in the hand soap isle. How the hell shoul I know

 

 

 

About a month ago I just moved into my new Warsaw apt which is located right in middle of the city. Since I am really on some fly ish now I wanted to really get my bathroom on some grown and sexy ish. I have all my African oils lined up on counter top, pot pourri (I don’t care if I spelled it wrong you know what I mean. The internet in Starbucks is slow and I really don’t feel like checking the right spelling on google), strawberry and cream body soap and hand soap instead of a bar of soap. I just wanted to step my bachelor life up a little bit.

Well I went to Rossman (which is the Polish version Walgreens) and tried to find some good hand soap. Because any American brand like Dove and Nivea cost to damn much I went with the local brand. It was sitting next to the Dial so I figured cool.

Well I had some friends come visit and I learned a little bit of Polish. “Aki!!! Why do you have ball and vagina soap on your counter top?” I was completely confused. They walked out the bathroom holding the bottle of 3/4 empty hand soap…Oh excuse me, Ball and Vagina soap,  asking me how many hoes do I have running in and out of this house. Obviously I didn’t realize that “higieny intymnej” meant “intimate hygiene” or the technical term “ball and vagina” soap.

Well this brought on a good question. My roommate is more of the pimp than I am. I spend most of my weekends catching up on missed episodes of The Office, How I Met Your Mother, 90210 (Yup! I watch it), Gary Unmarried and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia so I am not usually out in the club doing my thing. I know no one believes me but its true. So when girls go to the bathroom to wash there hands and this B and V soap is staring them in the face, not to mention its half done, what could be running through their minds? They either think “This guy is a complete whore” or “At least his junk is clean”.   Whatever the case is this one isn’t my fault. It was next to the hand soap or maybe I was just in the “Ball and Vagina Soap” isle and I didn’t even know. The plus side is that my hands are extremely clean and smell freaking awesome.

Wroclaw Weekend

 

About two weeks I hopped on the ICC line to slide back into my old stomping grounds of Wroclaw for a short weekend to take care of business and to see some friends. Unfortunately it was extremely short on time and I wasn’t able to go to the best place in Wroclaw, The Rura Jazz club, and enjoy a Tyskie on tap and zone out listening to some live jazz, but I did get drunk. I stopped by my friend Emily’s spot to do some pre gaming with her cool ass friends. We then rolled to a spot that I surprisingly never new existed called Kamfora. Very Nice chill spot. It was a fun night with a ton of pics, a lot of drinking and dancing. Some special guest appearances were made by Nelson, Jack and some of my peeps from The Crew. Here are a few pics from the night

 

About time the taxi showed up.

 

Paris is doing......I don't even know

Stopped to pick up Nelson

 

Kamfora. Self explanatory

Emi and I and Yes!!!! she is over 20

 

Jacks in Hizzy

 

Yup those are mine

Jack trying to make a move

Yup!!! That's Adrian Brody chilling back there

Jan and The Magic Man

Doc just chugging his ass off. I wonder if his girl knows he's out?

"Hmmm I wonder if dolphins cry"

"Lemme get 5 more shots. If I get them drunk I think I might have a chance"

Yup she crumping. I can't front she can dance though.

You can catch all the pics on facebook. Peace out kiddies.

Everything Must Go Wrong

It is the time of year to kick off the High School presentation circuit. Lance, Davey, Tyler and myself gained our popularity by touring around schools in Wroclaw and introducing the sport of football. In all honesty we were received pretty well and most schools really appreciated what we did. 

The problem was that no matter how well we were prepared something just had to go wrong. I think maybe one out of 20+ went ok. But damn it seemed like we couldn’t catch a break. But now we are in a new city and guess what?????? Aint a damn thing change. 

We have been doing presentations to promote the championship game that was played this past Saturday. i will have pics and videos of that later this week. This day we had 4 in a row at the same school. We showed up 1 hour early to set up and prepare. 5 minutes before the presentation started the projector stopped working. Panic mode began because we had no video to show which is a major part of the presentation. We switch computers and get it set up. The presentation begins and of course no one can see the video. Now we are standing there looking like a group of assholes. Well your boy had to improvise. I quickly sprang to my feet and challenged a girl to a dance contest while the IT guy tried to fix the problem. So if you are wondering why I am getting my boogie on with a High School girl I pretty much had to do something. The video was down so I came up with some drills and after 45 minutes we dodged a major bullet. The kids had fun and we looked like we new what we were doing.

Second presentation we got everything fixed and of course the internet wasn’t working now so again we were put in a jam. We were able to get out of that one, barely.  The last two went as planned thank God. 

Great quotes from the day:

These kids have some dirty minds in these schools so a few things were said that had the audience bust out in laughter.

Aki- “We are going show how you all the different positions look”

Willie – “He is the reciever. He catches my balls”

The Photo Shoot

 

A few weeks ago I was approached by Sport dla Wszystkich, which is a fitness magazine, to talk about different kind of training that football players do, the state of the league, the future of Polish football and what is Super Flag Bol.  I was also asked to show work outs that I do to keep myself in peak condition. The good part is that it talks about the football side and the business side of what I am trying to accomplish here so thats why I am in my pads then in suit.

The first question that he asked was if I was interested in doing some shirtless pics in hope of getting a possible cover photo. I pretty much said as a health magazine you will lose all credibility if I was on the cover of the magazine with no shirt on. So much to Brian Martin’s joy I did it with a shirt on with the TEST Sports logo all over it.  Also all the exercises I showed were all from the TEST Sports Clubs training program that I have been using since I started my journey to the NFL. Ok enough with the plugs and name dropping.  

Here are a few pictures from the studio shoot. The lovely girl with me is Basia. She clearly outshines the hell out of me in these pics.  We had pretty good chemistry during the shoot. I pulled a slick move and got her number from the photographer and texted her later on that day.  Seriously I thought it was a creepy move but my buddy Nelson suggested that there was nothing strange about doing that. I told her I would call her in two weeks to go out for drinks.  Now looking at the photos I am trying to find out why I never followed up, damn.

I know in some of the pics I look ashy as hell. I guess the make-up I had on didn’t work well with my skin tone. But to let you know I did have lotion on my face. Enjoy

 

 

The Keith Dunn

 

I know I looked cock-eyed

Oh Kurrrrrrwa!!! IF YOUR DUMB AS HELL DON’T READ MY BLOG

Again for those who have not read the last post.  I AM NOT GOING TO THE OWLS.!!!!!!! I NEVER WAS GOING THERE!!!!!! IT WAS A GAG!!!!! GET OVER IT!!!!!!

IF YOU ARE DUMB DON’T READ MY BLOG PLEASE. I BEG YOU. GO WASTE YOUR TIME ON WWW.SPANKWIRE.COM ( I RECOMMEND EVA ANGELINA BY THE WAY . GOOD TIMES )

YOU DO NOT GET SARCASM AT ALL AND YOU HAVE NOT SEEN FROM THE FIRST ENTRY THAT I USE A LOT OF MY TIME MAKING FUN OF MY LIFE. 

IF YOU SEE A POST GO READ A COLORING BOOK (FOR THE DUMB THIS IS ANOTHER  JOKE. YOU CAN’T READ COLORING BOOKS. GET IT)

I DONT CARE IF I POST “I JUST GOT YOUR MOM PREGNANT” OR THAT “I RESCUED 10 PEOPLE FROM A BURNING PIEROGI FACTORY” DO NOT READ THIS BLOG BECAUSE IT IS NOT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM IT PLEASE.

NOW IF YOU ARE UPSET WITH WHAT I JUST WROTE BECAUSE I CALLED YOU DUMB……

THAT MEANS YOU DIDNT READ THE TITLE. I JUST TOLD YOUR DUMB ASS NOT READ THIS YOU DUMB PRICK.

PEACE & LOVE

this is only directed at the dip shits that are affiliated with the PLFA that had some ignorant shit to say. For my friends at home and those of you who are not connected with the league I can understand how this is confusing. But the dumb fucks in the league like players, coaches, and presidents who decided to complain and say negative things yes you are dumb as hell.  NOPE you are all wrong so don’t try and defend what you said by blaming me. Stop gossiping like a bunch of females and man up. 

Oooops….You Must Have read my Blog

First let me thank everyone who had a comment on all the forums.  I appreciate all the hate and some very good insults from people.  Ummmmm I was never going to the Owls. I wouldn’t leave Warsaw for the one reason of happy hour at TGI Fridays and I have a 12 month lease on my apt. But because people are dumb  errr……need a reason to gossip on these message boards and complain about something I figured I would help out. The response was soo predictable.

Now some can say this was a dick move by me to post that. Yes Yes I am the evil Aki Jones trying to destroy this league. But if you have been reading and watching the videos, and I know you have , I joke around a lot and I’m a little bit of an asshole. I give credit to those who could easily realize that this was a joke. If you read the tags you might have thought this couldn’t be right because WHY WOULD I GO PLAY IN THE SECOND LEAGUE !!!!!!!!! WOULD THAT MAKE SENSE!!!!!!!  

So now everyone hates me.  Yup its my fault that the not so intelligent people rush to judgement and say stupid things because I forced them to say mean and nasty things and I should not have played such a cruel joke. Boo hoo hoo hoo quit crying. Rule number one think before you speak and second make sure you have all the facts before you begin to open your mouth. So now that this is over with you can stop complaining about people cheating.

While I will be in schools next week doing presentations all week about how great American Football is and promoting the Championship Game so that we can get the highest ever attendance for a game that I am not even playing in will you be on the forum talking about that.  How many of you are going to be putting up posters and trying to bring everyone you know to the game. Nope you won’t be doing that. Will everyone be there to cheer on The Crew and The Miners to show support for this league as a whole or will most of you sit back and say how much you hate both teams and don’t want to watch.  So everyone who talked shit how about you call me today, tomorrow, Sunday  and come help me with the American Football presentations that we have all next week. +48 510 956 390 that is my number. Lets see how many phone calls i get since I need to get out of the league. Since I am not doing anything but being selfish. I bet I don’t get one phone call. The first presentation is Monday the 12th. We actually have 4 in one day. So if you are not doing your part you should keep quiet.

As for that photo that was from when myself, Kazui, Lance and some Crew players went to play flag football so we can film it and show kids how the game looks live, how to make formations, and what certain positions do. Yeah always trying to help.

By the way all of you should apologize to The Owls for the things that have been said against them. I have a lot of respect for those dudes and when it is time for someone to help me I can always count on them.  

Peace and Love from The Black Plague  aka Aki “Euro” Jones

I am Going to Bielawa

Since the disappointing loss this past weekend I decided that I have had to much bad luck with teams in the Division 1 level. I came here to win a championship and a championship I will win. As of  Tuesday I decided to join my partner in Super Flag Bol, Kazui and help move his team to a championship and into the first league for next season. I know its the third team I have been on but I think this is a good move. Here is a picture from my first practice.

 

 

Damn I look good in that Owls blue

Now its time to get ready to beat the Tigers wish me luck.