follow them at www.eurojones.blogspot.com

Being a narcissistic sociopath I decided to put Euro Jones into a Google Search engine. Low and behold I am not the only Euro Jones out there. What is even worse is that they have had there blog for the past 4 years. Now when I first kicked the name around for a blog I got the best feedback from Euro Jones. I thought it was original and witty. Well these two Canucks from wherever the hell they are from beat me to the punch. Then they even have such an arrogant title for it “Keeping up with the Jones’s”.  Ha I could made that up in my sleep. Laaaaaaame.  Oh and your also trekking across Europe in your salmon colored Vineyard Vine trousers wearing deck shoes with no socks. You make me sick.  Then what makes it worse its just following a newly wed couple (yuck) lovingly hold hands and exchange there sappy tales of looking at European landmarks and marveling at the beauty of it (not like I wasted anytime reading the blog anything).  The highlight of their trip was watching croquet match at Wimbledon. Whoopty F’ing Doo.  Try spending your morning hungover and lost on public transportation for 4 hours and not speak a lick of polish (happened my 3rd week hear go figure).

So you thought you were just going to run around Europe writting about and someone would give a shit huh?!! What an original idea Jones’s. Listen you two hockey playing, Tim Horton loving, Celine Dion listening thieves. I am the real Euro Jones Eh and don’t you forget it!!!!  How dare you come out with my idea before I came up with it and parade it as some love fest of traveling bliss. Then a couple that refers to themselves in the third person is just way to much douchbaggery in it. Euro Jones wouldn’t accept that kind of bovine excrement (you might need to look that one up).

Yeah also it was the last episode as well. When we first moved here we ended up having a film crew following us at practice and games filming the behind the scenes action of American football. It was great because this would have been an inside look at of the sport and it was also explaining the rules of the game.

The original concept was about 8 episodes and each game we played would be a new episode. There are about 80 + hours of footage and 4 months of filming. The Crew was on their way to becoming reality tv stars and generating a whole new audience to the game of football.

Well that is when some things happened and the first episode became the only episode. Yeah as you know strange things happened. Well the first episode aired on television this weekend.  So here is the link to watch it. I thought it was pretty cool. I wish that it was able to go for a whole season but it is what it is. Maybe next year.

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=TS54NJCH

 

As you all know I was in a magazine and to help further I made a video to give a visual to readers on how to properly do the exercises.  This is a video of a few of the screw ups. Yes I say shit a lot.  But I have to pay homage because nobody says the word shit like my boy

Hahaha  Clay Davis is just that dude. Anyway  the full video will be on www.sdw.pl in about two weeks so be looking out for that.

 

I am working hard to promote this sport out here and I caught a nice break. I was able to get a six page spread in Sportowa Dla Wiestwich (I keep forgetting how to spell it). So the article talks about my plans in Poland, The Flag Football program I started and speed and agility training that I learned at TEST Sports Clubs. Next week I will be working with the magazine again and putting a video together to clearly show all you guys how to do the speed and agility work outs describe in the magazine so look out for that on their website. I will leave you with a quote from a great man.

“Taking over all of Europe” – Mark Grocholski

So this was a pretty interesting experience. We held our first practice for the game at about 9 am when the game started around 1. Yeah pretty wild huh? But all in all it was a good experience. Even though we got our chest kicked in in the first half we came back in the second half and played lights out Defense for the most part. Yeah the score was 42-2 but we didn’t just lay down and take the raping. We scratched, kicked, screamed, blew the raper whistle and did all we can from making it an unpleasant experience. But on serious note I was really proud of how the guys played. We were undersized and not fully prepared and guys came out to play and I can’t ask for more than that to be honest. 

Poland still has a lot of steps to go before we start winning these international matches, but the guys needed to experience this because once someone walks in and smacks you in the face the real players stand up and work their asses of so it doesn’t happen again.

So a message to all the guys who will be back in this game next year remember what happened in the second half and bring that some intensity back for next year. 

By the way congrats to the guys from GB. I ain’t a hater I respect good football wherever its from.

 

 

 

Now this is self explanatory. I was twisted just talking a lot of ish to Lance. That bottom shelf Gin was just hell in a bottle. 

Lances description of the clip: “There is no editing on this video. Just raw and uncut of what happens the night before a game.. I guess that’s the European way… A couple of intoxicated individuals here.. And leading the pack is Mr. Eurojones himself”

 

Well for those on the short yellow bus this video was made a long time ago .

Don’t go on the message boards and say that Lance is back in Poland playing football again because I know some one (Chris) will.

This footage is from almost 4 or 5 months ago. 

I REPEAT. LANCE IS STILL IN AMERICA!!!!!!!

So this was the final game of the year. Thank God! Not to say I wasn’t enjoying football but damn the season took forever. As for the game everything went as could imagine. There were some setbacks as far as the sound system my opening speech but all in all it was a good day.

One thing that I have to say. I am actually happy the Miners won. The reason is their fans deserved it more than any other team in this league flat out. Someone is going to complain that they have better fans but I seriously doubt it. These people came out and supported their team and have been doing it better than anyone else the whole season.  I don’t know what they are doing but every other team needs to find out what is going on out there and follow suit.  I had more fun hanging out with those guys than I did watching the game. Seriously they had other teams in the league singing the Miners song. So shout out to the fans of the Miners for showing everyone what this league should be about.

 

This post will be described through a series of text messages between myself and a young woman that I met a few weeks ago. She speaks little English so this explains how things got “Lost in Translation”. 

 

 

A simple text from me to a friend seeing if they wanted to hang out for a few drinks

Her Response: Now I was completely unsure if this was asking me or an invite or some kind of test to see if I was a pervert. Yeah I see the question mark, but any guy who sees a text like this tell me what you would think and what your response would be.

My Response: You damn right I said yes. Tak means yes in Polish. I had nothing to lose and I really had no idea on how to respond so I just said screw it. First and 10 on the 50 with 15 minutes left in the first quarter. Sounds like a good time for a Hail Mary lol.

Her response after like 20 minutes: Oooops!!! So you weren't asking for a threesome. Hmmm I assume there might have been a misunderstanding on my part. Now she thinks I want her friend. This isn't how imagined it going in my head.

In the end DENIED!!!! Hahahaha. Actually everything ended up being cool. We exchanged a few texts after this pretty much trying to explain that I thought it was an invite and she thought it was pretty funny. She says she was actually testing me….I think. But my failed attempt was due to our conversation being Lost in Translation.

* All names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved in this post. Pfffftttttt!! I am lying, Kate is probably going to break my neck when she sees this hahahahahaha. 

Lost in Translation is a brand new segment of Euro Jones. Living in a foreign country communication is very important and this is why you have to be clear about what you say.  Well obviously there are plenty of situations that arise where no one knows what the hell is going on and it leads to some interesting conversation or misunderstanding. So welcome to the first installment of Lost in translation. This one os titled “Ball and Vagina Soap”.

 

 

 

Nope!!! It was in the hand soap isle. How the hell shoul I know

 

 

 

About a month ago I just moved into my new Warsaw apt which is located right in middle of the city. Since I am really on some fly ish now I wanted to really get my bathroom on some grown and sexy ish. I have all my African oils lined up on counter top, pot pourri (I don’t care if I spelled it wrong you know what I mean. The internet in Starbucks is slow and I really don’t feel like checking the right spelling on google), strawberry and cream body soap and hand soap instead of a bar of soap. I just wanted to step my bachelor life up a little bit.

Well I went to Rossman (which is the Polish version Walgreens) and tried to find some good hand soap. Because any American brand like Dove and Nivea cost to damn much I went with the local brand. It was sitting next to the Dial so I figured cool.

Well I had some friends come visit and I learned a little bit of Polish. “Aki!!! Why do you have ball and vagina soap on your counter top?” I was completely confused. They walked out the bathroom holding the bottle of 3/4 empty hand soap…Oh excuse me, Ball and Vagina soap,  asking me how many hoes do I have running in and out of this house. Obviously I didn’t realize that “higieny intymnej” meant “intimate hygiene” or the technical term “ball and vagina” soap.

Well this brought on a good question. My roommate is more of the pimp than I am. I spend most of my weekends catching up on missed episodes of The Office, How I Met Your Mother, 90210 (Yup! I watch it), Gary Unmarried and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia so I am not usually out in the club doing my thing. I know no one believes me but its true. So when girls go to the bathroom to wash there hands and this B and V soap is staring them in the face, not to mention its half done, what could be running through their minds? They either think “This guy is a complete whore” or “At least his junk is clean”.   Whatever the case is this one isn’t my fault. It was next to the hand soap or maybe I was just in the “Ball and Vagina Soap” isle and I didn’t even know. The plus side is that my hands are extremely clean and smell freaking awesome.

 

About two weeks I hopped on the ICC line to slide back into my old stomping grounds of Wroclaw for a short weekend to take care of business and to see some friends. Unfortunately it was extremely short on time and I wasn’t able to go to the best place in Wroclaw, The Rura Jazz club, and enjoy a Tyskie on tap and zone out listening to some live jazz, but I did get drunk. I stopped by my friend Emily’s spot to do some pre gaming with her cool ass friends. We then rolled to a spot that I surprisingly never new existed called Kamfora. Very Nice chill spot. It was a fun night with a ton of pics, a lot of drinking and dancing. Some special guest appearances were made by Nelson, Jack and some of my peeps from The Crew. Here are a few pics from the night

 

About time the taxi showed up.

 

Paris is doing......I don't even know

Stopped to pick up Nelson

 

Kamfora. Self explanatory

Emi and I and Yes!!!! she is over 20

 

Jacks in Hizzy

 

Yup those are mine

Jack trying to make a move

Yup!!! That's Adrian Brody chilling back there

Jan and The Magic Man

Doc just chugging his ass off. I wonder if his girl knows he's out?

"Hmmm I wonder if dolphins cry"

"Lemme get 5 more shots. If I get them drunk I think I might have a chance"

Yup she crumping. I can't front she can dance though.

You can catch all the pics on facebook. Peace out kiddies.